Table of Contents:
“…Introduction -- Do what makes
you happy -- If no one gives
you a medal, design
your own -- Avoid people who say they know the answer -- Never run in loose underwear -- Interfere with yourself on a regular basis -- Plot
your escape -- Never change planes to wash
your socks -- Seek wisdom at the
font of Snapple -- Consider yourself lucky -- Take
your knickers down and dance -- Learn to do the Moonie -- If
you arrive on a motorcycle,
you'll have a better day -- Grow
your hair -- Stay clear of musicals -- Aim higher than 'stupid but saveable' --
Get yourself a fire-breathing hootchy-cootchy dancer -- Fuck political correctness -- Learn to speak baby -- If
you can lie on the floor -- Embrace the non sequitur -- If
your heart stops, apply vinegar -- Misbehave in public... -- Beware the indomitable jobbie -- Swear like a Glaswegian -- Strip as many willows and
you can --
Don't eat anything that comes in a bucket -- Save the baby crimples.…”
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