Table of Contents:
“…Introduction -- Do what makes you happy -- If no one gives you a medal, design your own -- Avoid people who say they know the answer -- Never run in loose underwear -- Interfere with yourself on a regular basis -- Plot your escape -- Never change planes to wash your socks -- Seek wisdom at the font of Snapple -- Consider yourself lucky -- Take your knickers down and dance --
Learn to do the Moonie -- If you arrive on a motorcycle, you'll have a better day -- Grow your hair -- Stay clear of musicals -- Aim higher than 'stupid but saveable' -- Get yourself a fire-breathing hootchy-cootchy dancer -- Fuck political correctness --
Learn to speak baby -- If you can lie on the floor -- Embrace the non sequitur -- If your
heart stops, apply vinegar -- Misbehave in public... --
Beware the indomitable jobbie -- Swear like a Glaswegian -- Strip as many willows and you can -- Don't eat anything that comes in a bucket -- Save the baby crimples.…”
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